Kisses from Kylie, Playing Balans’ Cupids & Making Customers’ Laugh: Tales From Veteran Waiters Michael & Daniel

The other week, I sat down with Balans’ much loved double act, waiters Daniel and Michael, to quiz them on what it is about the place that’s made them stick around for so long. They’ve been chin-wagging with Balans’ customers for almost two decades each, and together have compiled some stories which speak to the essence of Balans. Whether it’s partying with Kylie Minogue, fast-tracking a couple’s first date via a pile of condoms or providing stars with a safe haven from pesky paparazzi, Daniel and Michael have been behind it all. 

If there’s one thing that came across most in the hour I spent with the pair, it’s that their passion for their craft is owed to the customers. Chatting the nights away in Soho with long-standing customers turned friends, these two truly love what they do (and providing restaurant-goers with unforgettable evenings fueled by good vibes and lots of banter is their trademark). Read on to learn about what’s been keeping the duo in the game year after year and to get a real taste of the Balans’ spirit from those who live and breathe it. 

(left to right) Michael and Daniel

How long have you been working here?

Daniel: 17 years. I started in March 2007 and I’ve worked in all of Balans’ branches. Before it closed, Earl’s Court was my favourite. It was there that I really learnt the Balans’ vibe, and I’ve brought it with me to No.60. They had the best customers there. Genuine people, who came in daily to see you and became my friends. Over the course of 8 years, I’ve been invited to countless weddings, funerals and birthdays. I became who I am now because of them. 

It becomes a sort of addiction to be around these people, I loved getting to chat to them daily and get to know about their lives. They came in with their children and husbands. Christmas there was amazing: it was like a family thing. One year I was given six bottles of Laurent Perrier Champagne in one day by six customers! I’m still in touch with them via Facebook. 

Michael: The blowjobs would have also helped. 

Daniel: Bad Michael! 

Michael: Welcome to Soho 😉 

Michael: In February I will have worked here for 20 years. I am Mr Soho. 

Daniel: He knows everyone. 

Michael: I started in the Kensington branch and I’ve been here 19 years. If anyone knows the customers, it’s me. I treat this like my business. You’re not always going to be perfect, but I try to do my job passionately.

Daniel: He’s our conscience. Anything we do wrong, he’ll give us ‘the eyes’. And I’m always doing things wrong!

Michael: We have a love-hate relationship.

Daniel: We banter with each other a lot.

Michael: But the thing I like about Daniel is his passion for interacting with the customers, which is key here. 

Daniel: Customers are always number one. I’ve seen people come in really grumpy and by the time they leave, they’re hugging and kissing me because I will give you more attention if you’re grumpy. Just to prove a point. If they don’t want to talk to me, I will leave them alone by all means. But I’ve gotten into trouble so many times, because I have the sharpest tongue. And it comes out really quickly without even thinking…

Michael: You have to here. It’s free rein – you would never act like this in another restaurant. Balans has its own personality. The other day Amy Winehouse’s dad came in, and I hadn’t seen him for years but he recognised me and we were talking about the old days, when there were lots of stars here and the paparazzi were always outside. But inside, we had our little private ecosystem of stars and us, the waiters. We all protected each other, against the paparazzi, against the outside world. 

Daniel: Whatever happens in Balans, stays in Balans.

Michael: People came here to run away from the world. And obviously, that’s changed, but that’s life. Soho has changed, and the gay community has changed. People are evolving. We all have different energies. 

Daniel: We cannot just be talking about the past, you need to adapt to the future, you need to adapt to what is happening right now. Last Friday, for example, was amazing. It was all about the vibes and everybody was having a good time. On nights like those, it’s not so much about the food, all the customers care about is the vibe, that noise. That’s what they come to Balans for. 

Michael: I always ask people, ‘Why would you come back?’ Aside from the fact that we have all these members I often think why would you come back to the same fucking place all the time? When there’s thousands of restaurants in London? You come back because your family is here. People visit us from all over the world because they have a relationship with you. People come back, because they feel that connection, and they feel at home. Because you’re their Soho family. 

Daniel: It’s not always that easy to go to a new restaurant because you can feel out of your comfort zone. But when you go to Balans, and you see the same people all the time, you know that it’s going to be a good experience.

Michael: Which is one of the bonuses of being somewhere for a long time. Because you establish these relationships with people, so you get to know their stories more and more. 

Balans Earls Court

Daniel: This is how I remained in the same company for so many years. The customers were my energy; staff members come and go but you know the customers are always going to come back. And they follow us, whether it’s Earls Court or Shepherds Bush, they’ll go to wherever I’m working. And when they book a table, they don’t use the website, they’ll message me on Facebook or Whatsapp. Those are the perks. I also get asked what my Instagram is 25 times a day. 

Michael: We have a very loyal customer base. 

Daniel: I’ve worked for many restaurants, but the Balans customer is unique; they’re easy-going, they want the service but there’s less expectation to be something that you’re not. I’ve worked in a posher restaurant before, and, when I talked to somebody on the floor, straight away the manager shouted at me.

Michael: As the manager, I always tell each and everyone one of my staff to treat every customer like they’re your friends. And they respond to that. 

Why did you get into hospitality?

Michael: My personality shines here. It’s probably the only place I could shine, as opposed to in a ‘straight’ restaurant. We’re not a gay restaurant, but we’re in the gay community and have been for over 30 years. And the clientele that comes here are my favourite clientele. Even though I’m straight, I gel best with the gay guys, they just respond to me. 

Daniel: He’s a cocktease. That’s what he does. 

Michael: Well that, and the banter, the sense of humour and everything. The most important thing is cross-table interaction, which we do really well.

Daniel: We drop jokes to different tables and by them all hearing it, and getting involved, it creates this beautiful mess.

Michael: People love that. The whole point should be that when you go home, they can say they had a great time. Our customers live all over the world, and they look back and remember the fun times they had with Michael or Daniel. When they had a laugh. 

And what about you Daniel?

Daniel: I came to this country as a refugee in 1998 from Albania. I was 18 years old. I couldn’t speak any English. The only thing I could do was work in a restaurant. I learnt English and then after four years, I was the general manager of the same restaurant where I had been cleaning the dishes. I loved the banter that comes with being a waiter the most, so I stopped the management side of things and became a waiter at Balans. I just love being around people. I get drunk off the buzz. 

Michael: People ask me why I’m not the general manager and I tell them it’s because I wouldn’t have ‘this’ anymore. If you go into administration, you lose the one thing that’s been keeping you in the game. These relationships, these stories and entertaining people. 

Daniel: It’s my stage. I love making people laugh and I never even remember my fucking jokes. It’s natural, on-the-spot humour and I go off other people’s vibes. I had my own business, I built websites and did the whole 9-5 thing for years but by 5 o’clock I would get home and die. People often look down at me as a waiter but I tell them to look at me. I’m double your age, you’re 21 and I’m flying. I look 20 but I’m 45. It keeps you young. I’m never going to stop. I can’t see myself doing an office job. 

What’s a day in the life at Balans?

Daniel: Going to the gym, having my coffee then starting to work. After I finish my shift, I’ll go to any gay bar that will have me. I know every single person who works from here to Piccadilly Circus. And I’ve flirted with all of them. Sometimes I can go through all of the bars without paying a penny. It’s taken me a year to get them all under my finger. But I pay them back via food and coffee. It often feels like Groundhog Day. 

Michael: I wake up, do my meditation, have a cold shower and then do yoga. I’m very regimented. But on the weekends I work 12-hour shifts. I work ‘til 3am and then wake up at 8:30/9am and then do another 12-hour shift. I used to be a singer/songwriter. But now I look after my son and do this full-time. 

How would you describe Balans’ culture and vibe at its best?

Michael: At its best, it’s like going out to eat at a nightclub. Like a Christmas party. 

Daniel: There’s no real rules here. Most people have had enough of their daily routine where they have to behave. Here it’s like a hen party. 

Tell me about your most memorable evening: 

Daniel: Once I had a couple on a first date. You could see they liked each other but they couldn’t break the ice. So I went to the changing room and gathered a bunch of condoms, threw them on the table and said ‘Get on with it’. They ended up getting married and they invited me to their wedding. 

Any funny celebrity moments?

Michael: Emma Thompson came in to have a meal with her daughter before they went to see one of the new Star Wars films. At that time, we had a chef working for us who was about two metres tall, with a shaved head and he came in wearing a matrix-style, long black coat. Towards the end of their meal, I went over to her table and told her our chef was the guy who played Chewbacca in Star Wars and that I’d arranged for her to go over and say hi to him. I thought she’d caught on to the fact it was a joke… So I turned around, and I cashed off my table. And as soon as I turned back, she was shaking his hand. 

Daniel: Kylie Minogue was hosting a party for her Fever Album Launch. I got her to kiss my napkin wearing some really red lipstick and I sold it for 50 quid on Ebay. 

Why didn’t you keep it?

Daniel: Because I wanted the money! I could always get more kisses from Kylie. She was very sweet. 

Michael: Adele was here and her song started playing over the speakers. I lifted the curtain back from where she was sitting and said ‘Should I turn this shit off?’ We laughed. Peter Andre and Katie Price used to come here all the time, that’s when we had a lot of paparazzi. 

Who are your favourite types of customers?

Daniel: Middle-aged ladies who love to go to a George Michael or Michael Jackson concert. Ladies who’ve left their husbands at home and are down for a good night out. Because they just don’t care. They’ve got their lives, their kids, their husbands but they’re just here to enjoy themselves and have a great time with their friends. 

How do Balans deliver great service? What is your secret?

Daniel: They promote personalities. I have never been told off here, for being me. 

Michael: You need to care. That’s how you become a winner at this job. 

Daniel: Here, they know I’d serve the customer above anyone else. Even the boss. I would always go the extra mile for them. Remembering even the smallest of things about the customers when they don’t expect it. 

Michael: When they come in, they’re paying money and they’re here to have a good time. If I ever see anyone reaching to pour themselves a glass of wine, I’ll take it from their hands. They’re here to relax. You’ve got to care, you’ve got to be passionate about what you do. 

Writer: Claudine Collins (claudinecollins@hotmail.co.uk)